This was a topic that brought out a lot of issues that underpin many of the ails we experience in life today. With the need for perfection, doing it right, fitting in, being like others… it can leave personal and individual uniqueness seem flawed. And from there, the concept of not being enough arrived. How does that sit with you?
What do you feel about things that are flawed and what is the impact of that, with how you experience life? What does it conjure or bring up for you? In what way have your perceived flaws affected your own life, and how do you feel about them in yourself, others, or things around you?
Once again, a great way to explore your feelings about things, express them, then look at them for the purpose of choosing what next to do with what arrives.
Hope you enjoy the expressions this week and please feel free to leave any comments or expressions of your own.
Next week’s word is ‘spice’. I wonder where that will lead us?
Hope to see you there.
Flawless
On cold nights outside
with the wind and rain
lashing on the window panes
I remember when I was a child
I would settle down on my Mums bed
and watched as she
went through her routine.
With the radio in the background
playing slow ballads
she would hum along in tune.
These were my happiest times
seeing mum trying new looks
so many outfits from which to pick
taking her time with blusher tones
eye liners, rouge and lipstick
the right matching nail polish
her transformation not complete
until the final piece
the right coloured wig
was combed and lacquered in place.
Then came the perfume spray
Subtle fragrances remain
embedded in my memories
each special in their own way.
Sitting back examining the effect
always left me holding my breathe
waiting for her satisfied smile
turning towards me from the mirror
for my childish confirmation.
These were the good nights
filling my heart with love
hoping tonight she would
invite me to dance
and I’d feel grown up
for a little while.
These are the nights
we would spend alone
and my joy would soar.
Then there were times
she would send me off to bed
and I’d here the front door bell.
I’d squirm under the covers
praying for happy laughing voices
not the loud shouting bouts
or angry banging doors
followed by my mums
muffled crying pleadings.
In the mornings without fail
I would enter the kitchen
to be greeted with smiles and kisses.
If it was a school day we would
walk to school hand in hand
he would always stop
and speak politely to the Mums
who never knew him as my Mum.
I truly loved them both
for me they were flawless.
PJR 6.06.2022
Just as I am
Nose crooked
Body big
Legs short
Hair fuzzy
Skin blemishes
Lips thin
Brows thick
Arms fat
It’s all I can see,
It’s taking over me,
Distortion embedded in my mind
Day in, day out, so unkind
How can I show me to the world?
I want to hide,
Can’t cover it up,
Want to die
…
Nose surgery, just took the day,
A bit of a shave and realign
Not perfect yet
I’ll try again, I’d say
Now, limit my food in the day
It works…
My weight is lessening,
I’m on my way…
My legs look thinner
There’s now a gap,
They look longer,
And there’s no slap!
Hair now straightened, with a new colour,
Wow! That doesn’t even look like me,
Great, I’m on my way
I look more as I should be…
Laser and Botox
Makes easy the task,
A lot of money,
But what a mask!
And thank heavens for fillers
Now my lips are so full,
Just as they should be
The new rule…
Permanent hair removal
Laser or waxing,
Ouch, so painful
Smooth skin a must, to lessen the disgust
Liposuction the only way,
To drain fat away,
‘What if they go too far?
Dimples will be the star!’
But I think I’m getting there
Weight, legs and brows,
lips, skin and nails,
and of course my hair
‘Keep it up,’
I keep telling myself
‘Don’t stop
or you’ll lose the plot’
I’m better, aren’t I, or have I lost sight?
Oh no,
I can see it,
My teeth are not right!
Thank heavens for, Invisi-line
And daily bleach,
Nearly perfect…
Just need to manage
A glitch in my speech
As for my nails,
Shellac’s the way to go,
Strong and beautiful
Can’t work with them, though…
I’m getting there,
But hang on…
I feel like I’m getting fatter
Jeans are getting a tighter,
Stomach could be flatter
Ok, reduce food again
To lessen my shame,
More Pilates and weights
To keep up to date
Because…
As I lessen my flaws
I’m on my way,
To be truly adored
TLaB 6th June 22
Wishing I was a diamond
The significance of having flaws
Rang loud and clear
Not how many carats
That originally stuck in my craw
Not being a diamond
Means not being so hard
Simple words can cut deep
Through the prism of others’ judgement
When this comes from people who share DNA
And thus genes how can it be?
Surely bits of what is in them
Is in me?
Not worthy, not good enough
Leave their Scars
Like no other
‘Why can’t I be more like my brother?’
Why cannot the moon be like mars
Why does this even get asked?
Diamonds can split light
Into many colours
These strands reach far and wide
Like parts of us
As it turns out
These beams
That may be seen as flaws
Become the beacons
For others to see their own stars
(NRS)