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Flaws – poetic expression

This was a topic that brought out a lot of issues that underpin many of the ails we experience in life today. With the need for perfection, doing it right, fitting in, being like others… it can leave personal and individual uniqueness seem flawed. And from there, the concept of not being enough arrived. How does that sit with you?

What do you feel about things that are flawed and what is the impact of that, with how you experience life? What does it conjure or bring up for you? In what way have your perceived flaws affected your own life, and how do you feel about them in yourself, others, or things around you?

Once again, a great way to explore your feelings about things, express them, then look at them for the purpose of choosing what next to do with what arrives.

Hope you enjoy the expressions this week and please feel free to leave any comments or expressions of your own.

Next week’s word is ‘spice’. I wonder where that will lead us?

Hope to see you there.

Flawless

On cold nights outside

with the wind and rain

lashing on the window panes

I remember when I was a child

I would settle down on my Mums bed

and watched as she

went through her routine.

With the radio in the background

playing slow ballads

she would hum along in tune.

These were my happiest times

seeing mum trying new looks

so many outfits from which to pick

taking her time with blusher tones

eye liners, rouge and lipstick

the right matching nail polish

her transformation not complete

until the final piece

the right coloured wig

was combed and lacquered in place.

Then came the perfume spray

Subtle fragrances remain

embedded in my memories

each special in their own way.

Sitting back examining the effect

always left me holding my breathe

waiting for her satisfied smile

turning towards me from the mirror

for my childish confirmation.

These were the good nights

filling my heart with love

hoping tonight she would

 invite me to dance

and I’d feel grown up

for a little while.

These are the nights

we would spend alone

and my joy would soar.

Then there were times

she would send me off to bed

and I’d here the front door bell.

I’d squirm under the covers

praying for happy laughing voices

not the loud shouting bouts

or angry banging doors

followed by my mums

muffled crying pleadings.

In the mornings without fail

I would enter the kitchen

to be greeted with smiles and kisses.

If it was a school day we would

walk to school hand in hand

he would always stop

and speak politely to the Mums

who never knew him as my Mum.

I truly loved them both

for me they were flawless.

PJR    6.06.2022

Just as I am

Nose crooked
Body big 
Legs short 
Hair fuzzy 
Skin blemishes
Lips thin 
Brows thick 
Arms fat 

It’s all I can see, 
It’s taking over me, 
Distortion embedded in my mind
Day in, day out, so unkind 

How can I show me to the world?
I want to hide,
Can’t cover it up,
Want to die 
… 

Nose surgery, just took the day,
A bit of a shave and realign
Not perfect yet
I’ll try again, I’d say

Now, limit my food in the day 
It works… 
My weight is lessening, 
I’m on my way… 

My legs look thinner
There’s now a gap,
They look longer, 
And there’s no slap!

Hair now straightened, with a new colour,
Wow! That doesn’t even look like me, 
Great, I’m on my way
I look more as I should be…

Laser and Botox 
Makes easy the task, 
A lot of money, 
But what a mask!

And thank heavens for fillers 
Now my lips are so full, 
Just as they should be
The new rule…

Permanent hair removal 
Laser or waxing,
Ouch, so painful 
Smooth skin a must, to lessen the disgust

Liposuction the only way,
To drain fat away,
‘What if they go too far? 
Dimples will be the star!’

But I think I’m getting there 
Weight, legs and brows, 
lips, skin and nails,
and of course my hair

‘Keep it up,’ 
I keep telling myself

‘Don’t stop 
or you’ll lose the plot’

I’m better, aren’t I, or have I lost sight?
Oh no, 
I can see it, 
My teeth are not right!

Thank heavens for, Invisi-line
And daily bleach, 
Nearly perfect… 
Just need to manage 
A glitch in my speech

As for my nails, 
Shellac’s the way to go, 
Strong and beautiful 
Can’t work with them, though… 

I’m getting there, 
But hang on… 

I feel like I’m getting fatter
Jeans are getting a tighter, 
Stomach could be flatter

Ok, reduce food again
To lessen my shame,
More Pilates and weights
To keep up to date

Because… 
As I lessen my flaws
I’m on my way, 
To be truly adored

TLaB 6th June 22

Wishing I was a diamond

The significance of having flaws 
Rang loud and clear
Not how many carats
That originally stuck in my craw

Not being a diamond
Means not being so hard
Simple words can cut deep
Through the prism of others’ judgement

When this comes from people who share DNA
And thus genes how can it be?
Surely bits of what is in them
Is in me?

Not worthy, not good enough
Leave their Scars
Like no other
‘Why can’t I be more like my brother?’
Why cannot the moon be like mars
Why does this even get asked?

Diamonds can split light
Into many colours
These strands reach far and wide
Like parts of us

As it turns out
These beams
That may be seen as flaws
Become the beacons
For others to see their own stars
(NRS)

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