Find Your Way, Part 6… Pain, the clues

Your pain 

As you observe your discomforts / comforts, reactions, responses, thoughts, emotions, attitude, states, they provide information, feedback and insights about your relationship with the everything around you. 

We receive these signals because we are human! 

We are sensory whole beings (heart, mind, body, spirit, HMBS) that feel and sense as we move into and out of moments in our life. It is how we can both enjoy with love and suffer with pain from what we experience. The two don’t arrive in isolation, rather they happen in parallel. 

Think of times, when you were able to feel the joy that was happening in one aspect of your life, while feeling the pain of another aspect. Notice the nature  pain and  joy that comes from your HMBS.  How did you respond to it?

We are in constant variation, capable of feeling every emotion, however over time it seems we have come to see the enjoyable and pleasurable things as ‘good’ and the painful and suffering as ‘bad’. In moving from what is bad towards what is good, we have striven to seek more pleasure as a way of relieving our pain. 

In a way, we have come to fear pain; physical, emotional, mental, financial, social, psychological, spiritual, which has lead us to protect ourselves from what the pain may lead to: losing money, ill health, being without friends or things to bring our happiness, being without food, a home, family, material things or capacity, or facing our mortality our own survival.

When fear is at the forefront and the want to avoid, there will always be some form of ‘pain’ nearby. 

While we may call it pain because of the discomfort it causes, in reality darkness is inevitable in our lives. Without the dark there can be no light. For example it is through dark times that we can find something in ourselves to strengthen and grow. In nature, the cycles of night and day, tells us darkness will always be part of our existence. 

Spiritually it has been said that during the dark times we have the opportunity to delve deeper into ourselves, so our souls expand. This was the message from Susan Grau who wrote the book ‘Infinite life, Infinite Lessons’ who had a near death experience at a young age, that led to a lifetime of study and research about the nature of the soul. 

What type of pain do you fear? 

In our lives however, we have learnt ways to avoid pain and darkness. We block out what we don’t want to hear, turn to medications / drugs to numb pain, use distraction / entertainment to hide from, ignore or avoid the pain, keep ourselves busy / chasing to run from the pain. 

Ironically the things we have created over the centuries to support this, has shaped our choices and affected the way we live. It has steered the direction of many industries and systems that exist today; with products and services that promote the stopping, minimising or managing the risk of pain (medicine, therapy and medication), and those that provide and contribute to our desire for pleasure (alcohol and Netflix). 

It has been the force driving the industrial revolution, the entertainment industry, the health and medical pathways, the technological advancements, the legal systems, the political systems. 

Throughout history, societies have evolved in ways and by governments, businesses and companies who understand this intolerance to ‘pain’ and look to identify, use language and provide services and products to alleviate it. 

Just recently on our travels, we discovered VPN’s and e sims. Technology is responding to the global nature of life and the world. Companies understand the part of human nature that wants to keep up to date with its usual ways of communicating and enjoyment. Their marketing sells it, ‘you’ll never have communication anxiety!’ 

This example highlights this cycle where we are attempting to control fear, avoid the darkness (in ourselves and our lives) create more comfort.  

Unfortunately, the way we are seeking to reduce the fear and increase pleasure is both affecting our HMBS health and the planet. Many of the current interventions are moving people further from the freely available DOSE chemicals; dopamine (the reward chemical), oxytocin (the love hormone) serotonin (the mood stablilzer) and endorphins (the pain reliever) found naturally in our world, towards dependency using  artificial and costly approaches with online or medical interventions.   

Unfortunately, we are slowly beginning to understand how these artificial approaches are leading to harm on a greater than imagined scale. There is now evidence of the harm to water supply and physical health of humans from the enormous consumption and output from data centres. So while technology has been helpful, having such dependency on it, leaves little space for other options.   

Have you found yourself using pleasure to block out pain? 

Do you notice any of your own dependencies?

So we have an ironic and incongruent relationship between the way in which we seek pleasure, and the harm that then often leads to pain. 

We have been in this type of perpetual cycle for many years… and it is becoming evident that in many instances, the things we have been doing to end our suffering… are leading to more suffering. They are not helping! We are becoming more drawn to things we can’t live without, and things are becoming more costly to ourselves, others and the environment.  

What’s more it is leading to many people being left without access to what some would say are their basic human rights (food, shelter, water). So how can this be, in a time of such abundance? 

What are your feelings about the way we have come to life?

The pain relationship 

It may be helpful to recognise that the pain we feel from any aspect of our HMBS or any aspect of our life, is not actually the problem. 

These are things that currently exists in our world (in the consciousness) and  will always be a possibility, at this point…

Receiving what you don’t want in your life is not the problem. Rather they are things that you have to work with at this stage of life. They are the things that are possible to face on your path of coming back to you.  

What pains are you currently experiencing? What is your response when you experience any form HMBS pain? 

When you work with ‘what is’ however, rather than be in battle with it in the first instance, you observe and feel what is happening, explore it further, and choose the best way to positively influence what happens next. 

While you may not yet see it at this point of your life, you actually have so much within you that has the power and strength to move through all the challenges you will face.  

It begins by observing it.  
 
The reality of life today, is that you may face things that currently exist; for example in relation to a range of health issues such as cancer, heart disease, addictions, viruses, fatigue, anxiety, asthma. When I got cancer, while it came as a shock, realistically it was a possibility, given the food, environmental and social factors we are facing! 

You may also face life issues such as financial instability and concerns, addiction, gambling, divorce, domestic violence, identity confusion, divorce, housing issues, employment, education, food and affordability.   

You may also face, experience or witness community issues such as bullying, displacement, crimes, frauds, migration, inequity, prejudice, wars may also arrive. 

These possibilities which we call ‘problems’, exist because of the circumstances and timing in which we live.  
 
I grew up in an Italian family in Adelaide in the early 60’s and 70’s with traditional rules that supported that culture. It was during a time when migrants were not looked upon positively. To avoid the bullying from school children, it became easier to learn the Australian way and ignore much of my cultural heritage. I discovered how to live one way at school, one way at home.  

No matter the pain that has arrived from our circumstances and time of life, it is not us. It does not define us. 

While we may be affected by things that have happened… it is the way in which we tackle them, that makes the difference, and in shift the cycle. 

Cultural heritage rules played a role in my choices around marriage, children and my role as a wife. I chose based on the subtle messages that were infused throughout my life. 
I took on the more traditional patterns, such as marrying and having children early. I realise now, how my choices were not fully my own, and in many ways I felt the pain of that. 
I could give you all the reasons why I ‘should’ be content, however deep inside there had been something missing. 
From the outside, people looking in, may never have seen that side of the pain because nestled in amongst it, were still accomplishments, personal successes and moments of joy. 
Deciding to come back home to me, I soon discovered the tools to better align and live more freely as myself.   

Unless pain is addressed and viewed for what it is, it doesn’t go away, rather it accumulates and can hit with more intensity at a later time.

The Japanese talk about Kintsugi, which describes the caring and loving repair process they bring when things break. They see the cracks as inevitable and align it with the pain experienced as you travel through life. They see that such cracks need not be hidden. By giving time to slowly and carefully nurture back to function, instead it upholds its own unique beauty from the history of its own experience. 

It was in 2006 that I faced my own pain differently. It is the reason why I am still here today. 

My friends and family had planned an overseas trip in the October of 2006. In June 2006 I got a tummy virus and despite recovering, I chose to visit my doctor because of my sense, intuition, and physical feelings that something wasn’t right (that came from a change in my stools, a small amount of blood present, my lessening vitality, and just a gut feeling).
 
Each symptom had an explanation (my mind talk) worthy of reasons to not follow up; I was too young, it was the food I was eating, the doctor said it was haemorrhoids, I was working 2 jobs with 2 kids at school, I was fit and healthy, I ate well, I taught wellbeing, it couldn’t happen to me, how could that be? 

On the 3 days of testing my stools for the presence of blood (the doctor suggested I do this test) I intentionally placed blood in the first sample (there was no blood present when collecting the other two). The positive result meant a specialist follow up was recommended. 

Even as I told myself that the haemorrhoid blood was the reason, my instinct told me to go ahead with the colonoscopy. 2 weeks before we were meant to leave for our overseas trip, I got the news that I had bowel cancer. 

Sometimes the messages we receive do not make sense. Where did that sense come from? How did I know to follow up? 

Have you ever had a sense or sign that told you something that ended up saving you from harm? 

Science however is discovering more about links that are not obvious between our heart and mind, gut and mind, body points and organs. I have discovered the importance of not ignoring the messages, rather observing them and following up. 
 
While we may or may not be able to explain them, it is clear that our bodies do not operate in silos. Everything is interconnected, albeit in ways we are hardly aware of. 

We may not notice the whole picture, however there is usually some sign that an aspect of our HMBS is being affected. All symptoms are telling us something. Science and the universal laws tell us that ‘every action has an equal and opposite reaction’ which suggests there is a consequence of some sort, to your health, relationships, wellbeing or the happiness to yourself, others or the environment around you. It also tells us that energy doesn’t just disappear, rather it transmutes to something else. How important it is to listen and act because it won’t just go away.

When I felt ongoing tiredness which I could explain by the long hours and busy time of my life; kids at school, working full time, extra activities coaching school teams, I now know the importance of not making assumptions, and checking other factors. 

When I believed something was good for me such as legumes, despite them causing me bloating and discomfort in my gut and affecting how I engaged in life on some days. I now know the importance of looking for the cause, rather than ‘fixing the bloating’ cycle. 

When I believed that it wasn’t good to feel angry about things, as I saw anger as a sign of something ‘bad’ and really didn’t understand how to express it. I now know there is a reason for my anger, and if it is not released, it stays locked away and unresolved. 

Recovering from cancer led me to do some deep personal work on myself, to better understand myself and what was happening to me. Small shifts in my approaches, have led me to feel more connected and engaged with my own healing.   

The lesson to learn 

Cancer was the catalyst that led me to discover new ways of working with the pain I was facing on all levels HMBS. 

It has been instrumental in getting to the bottom of some emotional wounds with family members which while difficult to face, have begun new dialogues and understandings. 

When the pain from anything such as an injury, a criticism, a rejection, an illness (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional) takes over your life, it may be a sign that something is missing.  

The important things is that as you develop a new relationship with the fear and these painful events, you also develop a new relationship with yourself. 

Perhaps there is more to you than you realise. Perhaps you do matter and are worthy of your place in the world, just as you are, no matter if you do or don’t have a title, status, wealth, or following. 

Imagine a life when you have a greater sense of you and your life. 

You are yet to discover all that is there for you to learn about yourself and life. 

However as you do face new things, you do have the opportunity to discover something you didn’t know before. 

This then becomes the wisdom you will then share with others.

Like the story the young Western Australian boy Austin Applebee will share, when after having just failed his 350m school swim test, he found himself in a precarious situation with his family who were taken out to sea in changing weather conditions. It was through his actions of swimming roughly 4km in rough, shark infested seas and then running 2km to reach the help, that he eventually saved his mother, brother and sister. 

Despite the physical and emotional pain and fear he faced, he kept going because he knew what mattered to him more than anything. It is the story he now shares about how he managed to survive that ordeal.