Find Your Way, Part 5… Observe yourself

What helps you to see? 

Just because you or others can’t see or feel something, doesn’t mean it’s not real or doesn’t exist.

For example you may hear a story about what people are experiencing in other parts of the world, and even though you may not be able to imagine it or feel it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

The same applies when others have knowledge that we don’t possess or concepts that we can’t grasp. For example scientists know how we are connected to the universe through vibration and energy, and even though it literally can’t be seen, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. We don’t see electricity, however we know it exists because of what it brings. Or when someone experiences something tragic, we may not see the pain of their trauma, however it doesn’t mean they are not affected by it. 

In a court of law, it is the reason for obtaining many witnesses to testify, to better determine the nature of the whole event. The legal system recognises that everyone has their own version of the truth, based on what they ’saw’ at the time. 

And what they see is often shaped by the physical, mental and emotional status held in that moment, or from their previous lived experiences, stories or learnings. 

It may be the reason why when you can’t see what others see, you may reject their version.

 I recall when I was given positive feedback about my performance, unless I believed that of myself, I was unable to see how that could be the case. 

It may also come from distraction. For example when I know an item such as my keys, are in the house, but I can’t see them! And when I search in haste, they don’t appear until my emotions settle. 

What is something you couldn’t see then could? How did you feel when your view changed? What did you learn from it?  

Become an observer 

Becoming an observer in your own life, gives you the ability and skills (like in a court hearing) to see, feel and move you closer to more facts and information, so as to build a more accurate version of your truth.

In the past your beliefs may have influenced what you notice and what stands out to you. The thing with beliefs, is that they may blind you or lock you into something without giving yourself the chance to see anything else. 

That’s the power of a belief, and the reason so many people want you to follow the same beliefs. Beliefs have been used to gain consensus and control.

Sticking to beliefs in the past, have been looked upon positively and as a sign of strength. For example it may be suggested that you are ‘being loyal’ or ‘committed’.  

This looks at beliefs differently. 

Instead of following your beliefs, you take on the role of the observer of that belief, where you narrate just what you see, hear, and feel as things arrive.

This can be helpful when you have become ‘blind’ to your beliefs. It can help you to see that you may not have the full picture of what is underlying. 

This can be helpful when you are looking to approach the here and now, without bias (from the past / future legacy), to live your life fully as you, with what matters to you. 

To see and hear something for what it is; is to get closer to your sense of truth.  

A way to begin to practice the skill of observation, is in reflection; at a time when you are not distracted and can quietly go inwards, into yourself and look back at a situation. 

The purpose is to notice if what you said and did (or didn’t say or do) aligned or contradicted how you truly see and feel within. 

Many things that happened in my early years of life, have helped me learn this. I learnt the rules I grew up with. Those that my family expected of me. I remember being told not to eat biscuits that were being served while visiting family friends, because it looked ‘rude’. I would politely say ‘no thank you’ when offered a biscuit. I followed the rule. I would not take a biscuit. Inside however I knew this was not how I felt. I loved biscuits as a child, and I always wanted the special ones that were served. I felt annoyed that I could not do as I wanted or what I felt was reasonable. I saw it as a silly rule, because I imagined they wouldn’t serve them if they didn’t want them eaten. 

It can also be to notice what others said and did (or didn’t say or do) that seemed to align or contradict what you were feeling inside. 

When we were looking for people to help us with our business, we noticed that just because someone says they are ethical and can be trusted, it doesn’t always feel that way. We faced that when one person we approached to support us with marketing, charged an extra $500 for the benefit of splitting the payment over a month! 

The point of this observation, is not for purpose of punishing, judging, or proving, rather for helping you to see the rules, question the why, and move closer to what aligns with what you are looking for.

So often I hear people say; I eat well, or I don’t eat much, I’m good with money, I didn’t say anything bad, I’m a spiritual person, I’m healthy or they don’t care, without actually observing the facts. It may come as a shock to many of us, when we observe more closely our actions and their frequency. This can however help us to see more accurately. 
 
Has observing you in your life, been helpful to better understand what is happening? 

Observe the discrepancies 

The role of observer can lead you to personally investigate and discover the discrepancies and inconsistencies between what your outer self shows to the world, and how your inner self sees and feels. You may begin to ask ‘Why is that? Why do I?’ What is my fear? What couldn’t I say or do? Why do I feel this way?’

I realised that I had many discrepancies, that in time I slowly began to bring to the surface. I recall how as a child, we were not to have our dogs inside the house. I came to say and use the same rules that were told to me, ‘dogs have germs and they should be outside’. I carried this rule with me for a very long time, even though I felt very sad leaving my dog outside, especially in cold weather. As she became very ill, I could see how this rule didn’t work for me. I didn’t feel good about it and it wasn’t what I wanted.  

By getting to the discrepancy, you shine a light on it. You can better see it for what it is, and gather evidence (facts) to help you challenge the reality. It can help you to can better see what lies behind it, and how it has stopped you from living your truth. You can then ask it. Explore it.  

For example how do you feel when you are the first person at a park that becomes available, and someone else takes the park? You may consider it rude and unfair, and may be angry about it.
 
The discrepancy lies when you are faced with a similar example yet may not see the contradiction. For example you don’t understand the feelings related to when indigenous people’s lives and land were taken during colonisation.  

I realised I upheld the beliefs that were set by my parents which I didn’t challenge. Exploring the discrepancies open the way to seeing differently, which in time may help you arrive at feeling and doing differently. Sometimes your subconscious can help arrive you at this point, even when ‘your conscious self’ is not. You may arrive somewhere that you may not have been aware of previously. 

In time I learnt more about how dogs can successfully stay indoors, and before long, I found myself testing it out for myself. I felt what having my dogs inside brought me. There were many positives, there were also challenges. Slowly I began to explore ways to tackle the dog fur, the drooling around the dinner table and the issue with jumping on visitors when they arrived. I began to determine for myself what I wanted and didn’t want. In the end, I discovered and chose to have dogs inside! 

Often reflection can help prepare you to express and act in real time (in the here and now) when it matters. The new insights and understanding bring more openness to question explore in real time more naturally with an honest want, when things are actually happening. While these are simple examples, they are all part of the practice.

In time, I was able to say ‘I like dogs inside and I am keeping my dog inside’ and I did! It didn’t come with an angry tirades filled with proving, blaming, or judging. It was what I wanted and I felt certain about my choice.
 
Reflect on a time, when there was a discrepancy between what you did and said, and how you truly felt. How does it feel to know this truth? 

Observe the alignments

Observation can also help you identify what currently aligns with you and feels congruent and brings a deeper sense of contentment. This can help you understand yourself better. ‘What works for me? What helps me? What do I like? Do I want more of this or less of it?’ 

I have always loved to dance, move and exercise, and have openly shared my love for it. I see it as a way of expressing myself and I feel great when I either create or learn steps and routines. about dancing, movement and exercise and what I do in this area.  

Getting closer to feeling your alignments and discrepancies, can create a better balance with the choices you make. 

My love for dancing brought a great joy and comfort, which guided me in my choices as a young girl and adult. I recall walking to find a ballet school at about 10 years of age which led me to build the interest and skills, that helped me later when to gain employment in an exercise studio, before gyms were ‘a thing’ and later as an educator in training institute for fitness certification. 

Have you observed you and things you love? What are they?

Observe yourself in moments 

No matter the moment, you can choose to observe yourself.

We have so many moments, that provide clues to something valuable. 

It could be when facing a situation, problem or issue, rather than leave it… use the time to explore what may be happening. 

It could make a difference to something that really matters to you. 

An example of this came in our own business situation. 

You see our personal and professional lives, led to the development of our Find the Way Program online. It was the time around COVID and the world was changing. The online presence had become a busy place and it felt that people were becoming overloaded with messages and influencers. 
We didn’t want to be extra noise in amongst the ‘noise’. 

At first, we couldn’t see the way to tackle it, so we didn’t work with it. We had been looking at it as a problem that was stopping us. This brought us a lot of angst, because we wanted to share what we felt could be helpful for people.  

When we began to observe ourselves, we noticed we were not working in the here and now, working with what is, or looking at what we wanted rather than what was stopping us. This helped us to see clearer and engage things differently.  

In time it lead us to find found a person who had the skills we were looking for, who we felt aligned with and seemed to understand our concerns. It helped us unblock what was potentially stopping us from reaching people. We know that this is not the end of the story… rather it is part of the road we are travelling on, as we continue to grow and discover. 

Have you observed yourself resisting working with what arrives? What do you notice and what is the impact of that? 

As you observe yourself and make the discoveries, bring your new understanding and realities back to your life to better embed them and gain from your learning. 

This is the gift of the journey you are embracing. Noticing where it leads you, and what arrives from that.