Your Way, Part 2…Starting From Here and Now

No matter what has happened in the past or where you find yourself now, starting from right here and now, things can change in a moment. 

You see unbeknownst to you, in this moment you may actually be carrying a lot of things that may not be helpful; that may have inhibited you throughout your whole life. In the way you live, eat, relate, lead, work, guide, engage, show up.  

Yes you have learnt things (what you think you know) however you are also carrying a thick cloud of ‘inner pain and conflict’ that is blocking the way to notice what else is possible.

What is in your head space reflects memories that are embedded in your cells and body systems. They become the fuel that keeps them alive and distracts you from opportunities that exist in the here and now moment.  
  
For example if you have had a negative experience or a trauma, the meaning you have derived from that, silently journeys with you, affecting how you turn up each day. 

Then, despite how much you might want or not want something, these embedded memories, may create a battle within yourself, leaving you unable to see the situation with clarity.  

Such past traumas or beliefs, settle in you.   

In what way is your past or future holding you back in the here and now? 

Just after COVID my husband and I sold our property during settlement, which led me to rent for a period of time, while I worked on rebuilding my career and life. Unbeknownst to me, the property market in the following few years, left me unable to afford to re-enter the market. For a long period of time, I found myself stuck in the shock and disbelief of my financial situation. I believed I could not recover from this. 
  
When beliefs bring fear, apprehension, worries and uncertainties, it affects how you see, feel and what you do in the here and now. The view of what’s ahead can seem a much bigger and more impossible climb. 

Looking to my future, it was difficult to see how gaining home security could happen, which affected my ability to see alternative ways to approach the situation. I felt scared and found myself telling the story around my loss and not being able to afford to purchase a property. 

When our visions and wants are affected by the beliefs, worries and stories we tell ourselves (based on past and future fears), we can become restricted and even idle in the present, unable to see when opportunities arrive. 

It’s no wonder we put things on hold for another time. We often think it will be better when… or I’ll be ready when… or when…  

I walked this line for a few years while renting. I lived my time worrying about how to stay secure while at the same time, carrying my regrets (why did I sell the house at that time), worry (what if I can’t continue to rent), fear (I may become homeless). 
It affected my ability to see my next steps.

And then came a time when Nigel and I went overseas for work and to visit family. Unbeknownst to me, this holiday provided a pause from what I had been cycling in over the years. 

During this time, rather than bring the self doubt and uncertainty, I found myself open to have creative discussions. It was like the floodgate opened and new ideas and possibilities arrived. I could live overseas (as housing and cost of living seemed a lot less than Adelaide), or do shared ownership and more. I realised I could do it differently, and this led to me to investigate so many more paths. 

Gaining clarity in real time, in the here and now

When I found myself in real time, in the here and now, I was getting clearer and more able to take small steps towards what I wanted and visioned for myself. I became more observant of my internal (self talk) and external distractions (advice and opinion from others) which had previously consumed me.
 
I changed from being a spectator to becoming a participant in my life, exploring and learning about finances, loans, retirement, superannuation, taxation. Some doors closed, but some doors opened. 

Eventually we arrived at a creative alternative solution, that worked really well. I finally became a part owner of a property with Nigel. What’s more we made arrangements that defied the usual issues with shared ownership. 

You see this was not a usual approach. We both wanted to feel safe and well in our own lives, as well as passing our share of this asset on to our children. We arranged it so that in the event that if either one of us passes away, we each declared an ongoing residency agreement for the other, to prevent any housing anxiety.  

You see, when I went on the holiday, I had the space to notice the cycle I was in. Surprisingly while venturing away and experiencing life, so much more opened up for me. 

I wondered how long I would have stayed in the cycle, had I not taken the steps to go outside of my usual routine. How long I would have stayed disconnected from what was in front of my eyes, without me noticing. How long would it have taken before my want for a secure home was further out of my reach. Given the current situation and the rate of increase in the property market, I imagine it wouldn’t have been too long! 

Seeing the possibilities in the here and now 

So many things are moving us from our health and vitality, happiness and wellbeing, which is a major reason for releasing things that are no longer valid or matter. 

What is affecting your happiness and wellbeing?

I began this learning when I was dealing with recovery from cancer. It mattered that I left the worries of the past and fears for the future behind. It mattered that I felt open to explore and understand what was helpful for me in the here and now. It couldn’t wait. I had a lot riding on it… my life. 

How often do we hold off on self care until we are told something significant by the doctor. For example if you are told you have Diabetes 2, heart disease, cancer, arthritis? It is then we often want to do something. 

Without arriving at a feeling for what we want and don’t want (I wanted to live and didn’t want my fears to create more stress in my body) we can easily lose our way. We may opt for quick solutions that are short lived or lack the consistency that comes with an inner drive to change. We may jump with haste to what is being ‘told or sold’ to us, and push for this, rather than discover the unique parts that either work or don’t work for us.    

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I decided to go a naturopath to learn more about how to improve my health. The issue was with the first person, she gave me a list of ‘must do’s’. When some of those things did not feel aligned with me, rather than listen she insisted that without doing them, I would not survive. 
Something about this experience did not feel caring or helpful. Fortunately I listened to my inner self, and chose to move on to someone else who I felt more connected with and offered a different approach that served me well. 

Here and now moments that matter 

Interestingly although we may move when we feel the urgency of time,  normally, we stay in things for far too long, even when they don’t feel right for us, or are causing us harm. 

Why is that? It’s no wonder we often spiral deeper with our emotions; frustration, regret, resentment, worry… which over time affects the whole of our selves.

What have you been staying in for far too long? 

Although I had moved away from the naturopath in this instance, I could see it was not my usual approach. I did tend to ‘put up’ with things in the moment, not saying how I truly felt or what I wanted or needed (better not to was my false mantra/story). My patterns were beginning to become visible, and I was more able to see the role I played in my emotional, physical and mental pain. But I was unsure of why.

So how do you start with the here and now and let go of the negatively impacting habits and legacies from the past, and create a new shape for the future, that focuses on what deeply matters for a quality life? 

How do you live the life you were meant to feel? 

I realised there is no one answer, there is no one stop shop. 

And no-one can tell you how it will happen… as there is no specific formula.  

There is however, one certainty. 

When you begin by bringing your truth to yourself, you open the way to see, feel and do things differently, because you have more clarity to move from your ‘automatic pilot’ way of life.

You will notice and feel it when that happens.  

It won’t be from being pushed or enticed to see it. It will be of your own volition. It will naturally arrive, with a natural want for something else. 
 
These become the ‘aha’ moments that are personal to you. They will happen in your here and now moments. 

They will form your own personal story. 

As you move through these posts, explore for yourself as your own discoveries will emerge. Take note.