Find Your Way, Part 13… Tipping Points and Our Human Needs

Our human needs 

You may be starting to see because of how we have evolved and adapted, our human needs have been difficult to satisfy.  

Theories such as Maslow hierarchy of needs, provide an overview of the range and complexity of our human selves (HMBS), ranging from our basic and essential needs to higher needs: water, nutrition, exercise, sleep, warmth or cooling, we need shelter, safety and security and a deeper need for love and belonging, self esteem and personal growth and purpose. 

Any gap within our personal needs, will vary for each of us due to the circumstances we have faced. 

For example you may not be getting enough or eating too much food, or eating food you are allergic to or don’t work for you, or has little nutritional value, that cause disease or illnesses that affects your life, or that you become addicted to.  

Or you may not have enough safety and security, without a home, facing harmful or abusive situations, have few resources to help you (less hospitals, more ramping), without financial security or close personal connections. Or you may have enough financial security yet still do not feel safe and secure or connected.  

Or you may not have enough joy or purpose, be without a job, or meaningful interests or mental stimulation and sense of accomplishment. Or you may have too many things that keep you busy or preoccupied or you don’t feel deeply happy, fulfilled or at peace. 

It seems we are in times of risk no matter your situation, your wealth, your age or profession. No matter if you live in a war torn area, or in a city with a lot of crime, or with a controlling or oppressive leader or religion, or are homeless in a city with a high cost of living, or living with illness from lifestyle diseases or injury, or addiction from a lavish lifestyle, or mental health issues from loneliness or lack of true purpose. 

In other words, we are ALL struggling in some way or other, whether you can see it or not. 

What we are easily sold

When there is anything lacking in our lives, we are easily sold ideas (directly or indirectly) because we may want the story to be true. We tell ourselves, it could be the very thing we are looking for or needing! 

In searching for what may fill the ‘lack’, we are hoping to gain something back in return; such as we want to feel better, have more friends, be seen a certain way, more peace, a new job, an easier way, a simple solution, a secure income, to get pain relief or whatever it is. 

This type of exchange becomes a ‘give to receive’. 

I’ll give my loyalty, compliance, energy, attention, money, life, to receive the ‘holy grail’; the ‘something’ you are looking for in return.  
 
The RAS helps you to ‘tune in’ to the need being sold. 

And this is what helps our financial economies and organisational systems to grow. 

New industries want you to rely on them. They don’t want you to question or challenge, rather go along with the story that is being sold. 
This can be seen in the way that we have been sold that quick foods can help us in our lives… (they focus on the convenience aspect and the little time needed to prepare) rather than what is being lost because of it, such as our health (lack of freshness) or life skills (lack of capacity to prepare meals).  

Money is being made from these dependencies… 

And we are also losing our freedom of choice. 

In all sorts of ways…  

When we hear from influencers, governments, organisations, businesses, teachers, parents, they are selling reasons; to buy an iPhone, to visit a city, to eat foods that are unhealthy, to join the club, to follow their information, to vote for a cause, to join a business, to engage in an activity or to behave in a particular way…there is a cost to you. 

The cost revolves around the amount of time, energy, attention, money needed to invest in and sustain it. Initially it may bring you something you are seeking, however in time, it may no longer work for you, or you no longer agree, or you have learnt something contrary or it is causing you harm. 

The challenge however is walking away from it, when you have become very vested. Rather than admitting that it no longer works, habits can drive you to a new pattern of ‘doubling down’. 

If you recognise any of these responses, it may be a sign you have become too vested. It may be a sign that you are no longer open or able to see or do something else. You may be becoming entrapped.

What have you found difficult to walk away from because of such an investment? 

Unique needs 

The concern is that we don’t know how near or far we are from a problem. Our usual approach is to wait until symptoms appear, that tell us we need ‘fixing’. We don’t use prevention models, that challenge many societal norms in the first instance.  

 When we wait in this way, we may only react when our threshold has been reached. Unfortunately we are often unaware of how far we have travelled from what we need to stay well.  

In 2004 before cancer, I was working 2 jobs, an educator at TAFE in Fitness, and Fitness Director at Next Generation (a large fitness and leisure facility in Adelaide).  I had 2 children at high school, and a husband who worked in his own business, and a household to maintain. 
I was busy yet I felt that I was keeping up with all the demands.  
Then arriving home after a busy and full day, I walked in the front door, and I could not work out how to get to the kitchen or get on with my home duties. It felt that I could not use my mind. Things became mentally blurred. It felt like mush.
It felt that I had reached a limit. I was scared. I wondered if I would ever recover. It took about 2 hours, after which time I realised that I had reached a threshold, one that I never thought I had.    

The journey to understand your unique needs, is a personal discovery and one to begin before the harm sets in. (Imagine if we were taught this from childhood!)

Accumulation 

As our HMBS parts are all connected…any decline that comes from one area of pain (possibly caused by unhelpful practices) also plays a part in the overall decline of our whole system. For example the body, may hold on to emotional traumas from the past affecting your health, or your heart may lack heart qualities affecting your relationships. 

Hence when we ‘try’ to work on one aspect of our HMBS, we often face roadblocks from other parts of us. When our ego takes over you may notice the complaints or resistance, the disagreements, differences, temptations, entanglements, judgements, all of which make it difficult to resolve. 

Have you noticed when you start on one aspect of improvement, you face other challenges making it difficult to continue?

Despite the use of many helping modalities, people are still finding it difficult to find their way or not fall to the lures of what surrounds them. 

So if this is happening, what is the way to break free?

Firstly it is important to recognise that we cannot bypass the system… 

The system has too great a force to overcome as a whole. That has been attempted over and again throughout history, only to show the same power and greed patterns emerge.  

We see the way is to move as an individual… 

Because unlike changing systems, it can only be in individual moments that we can break away from our inherited patterns and choose something that leads to a more balanced and caring direction.  

Through your own individual choices with what arrives in the here and now, cycles can be broken. 

While this may sound simplistic, it is only you who has the power to see, feel and act from a non biased state and bring choices that reflect more care in the moments you face. Anything else is more of the same that has already led us to here. It can only be you to physically take action to change the trajectory. 

Not long ago, I noticed that while I would talk about the concerns with spending too much time on social media, I was becoming a statistic too! 
I gave myself reasons (excuses) for my own involvement, which were actually convenient truths to help me feel better, and avoid facing something else. 
Until I observed how much time I was accumulating, I was unaware of the creeping effect. 

Wellbeing (as a way of life) was my healing choice after cancer, so I didn’t want to engage things that could take me away from that. 
No matter how much I fooled myself, I knew it could only be me to do it differently. 
I took the time to discover and have a vision for how I wanted to engage social media (personally and for business) and how much time and energy was enough. 

 I can’t change the system. Social media already exists, and it’s too big to have any influence over.   

My influence is with what, who and how I choose to engage. My shift in approach with usage, is the power I do have with things that matter to me.  

Tipping points 

Moments matter. 

A moment can bring an action that tips us over the edge or saves our life! 

We never know what we will face on our journey. It can only be in our moments that life can be lived. 

I didn’t know I had a tipping point but the day my mind went to mush, I knew I was nearly there. I was fortunate to make a change before it became even harder to recover. That moment saved my life.  

The thing is with small accumulations that build over time, they are hardly visible to the human eye. We are hardly aware of the tipping points (intolerances) that take us from health to harm with any aspect of our lives or in the lives of others, in businesses, communities, countries and the environment. For example… 

We don’t know how many cigarettes will kill us
How much conflict will cause war 
How many drugs will lead to addiction 
How much illness will lead to our death 
How much neglect will lead to harm
How much AI will lead to controlling our lives
How much unhappiness will lead to depression 
How much destruction before we become extinct 
How much pollution will kill a species 
How much stress will lead to crime, or illness or break down
How much propaganda will change beliefs
How much abuse will destroy your will 
How much alcohol / drugs will lead to addiction or organ damage
How much water is needed before you dehydrate or lose function
How much failure before you lose hope
How much sleep is needed before you lose clarity
What have you observed in yourself or those around you about tipping points that left people on such a brink?

Tipping points for benefit 

For as much as we have tipping points that can lead to harm, we also have tipping points in the opposite way.  
While we can never know when a simple action can save our life, we do know it is possible. 
It may be related to our own lives, with our health and security, or in the lives of others, in businesses, communities, countries.
We don’t know how much exercise will ease pain
How much good nutrition will prevent illness
How much effort can break an addiction 
How much compassion will heal deep hurts
How much nurturing will save our environment 
How much kindness will bring hope
How much honesty will save a relationship 
How much care will save a community or business
How much listening will bring peace 
How much budgeting will build savings  
How much a single act can change the direction of the world 
Imagine that, in a moment, one act could be the tipping point that leads to a healing ripple into other areas in your life. 
For example a moment when you stop eating one thing in your diet that brings about a positive effect on your blood pressure, your sleep patterns, your appetite, your mood. 
Or you are given a chance in a work place or you give a student a chance and it is the moment that changes your life. 
Or you decide to stand up and face the ‘bully’ and it helps others to stand up and have a voice, or it helps the bully seek help. 

The harm vs benefit ratio 

Hence every small action that brings benefit, may be the action that changes the balance.  

When you and more people move to heart based actions rather than actions that serve your ego evolved patterns, there are more power ‘sliding door’ moments to create a healing ripple and whole new way. 

This is how the power of one, can change the world…  

It may be as simple as a change to the way you ask a question (that could lessen fear), or listen to the words being used (that could notice intention) or notice new possibilities (that could spark new interests), or make alternative choices or actions (that could start a new way of life).

Rather than forcing, it is a gentle adjustment in that moment. You are then on your way to accumulating more actions that benefit rather than harm. 

You might want to look at it as a bank account, where savings rely on small and consistent deposits. 

By noticing the impact of that adjustment and where it led, it gives you the chance to notice what you may not otherwise see. You may see the value in what you learnt, or the person you learnt from, or how you practiced a new discipline, got a different response, enjoyed what you didn’t expect… 

If you did, great. 

If not, you have the next moment to discover again. 

The thing is you are never ‘there’. So often we may hear people say they are getting there, or they feel they have attained the level, however there is no final destination. There is only the next moment and how you bring your improved skills to it, to benefit you and the world around you. 

As the picture of your life experience becomes clearer, you will see it is not about perfection, or playing the game of right or wrong, good or bad (that our conditioning would fight over or aim to prove, or justify).  

It is about noticing that even in dark moments, your intention is not to harm yourself or other people’s sovereignty. 

There is no contract you can make with yourself to justify any level of harm that you believe is compensated by other good deeds you perform. How often do we see people feeling justified in the harm they bring, because of the positions and roles they uphold, that is of service?

Have you seen this type of harmful contract played out by people in the community? 

When we talk of improving the balance, it is about contributing actions that bring more moments to the overall care of your HMBS and improves the ratio.  

For example you could abstain from an action, that would otherwise have brought potential harm, for example not indulge the extra sugar, drink, cigarette, drug, late night or make a hurtful comment. 

Have you done this before? How did it feel?

Or you could move from something neutral to something of benefit to your HMBS. For example when driving to work shifting from a mindless state, feeling agitated with every driver on the road… to a mindful state when you notice and appreciate what is around you.  

Have you done this before? How did you feel? 

Or you could choose something to benefit or bring a positive feeling to you or someone else.  

Have you noticed times when you or others weren’t obliged to do something kind, but it was done anyway? How did it feel?

Not long ago a sales person at the chemist informed me that it was possible to claim some benefits from the sale. 
Before this time, I was unaware that it was possible. Her kindness and decision to inform me, meant I was able to recoup some financial funds. I was very grateful and appreciated her actions.

These decisions are between you and yourself. When they are done from your heart, it feels good for you and others, because the care feels genuine.
You are not doing it for a reward, prize or to get something in return. You do it because your heart feels it and wants it… for no other reason. 
The reward is in the feeling that arrives.
As you bring more moments of benefit to your life in this way, it becomes one of the markers of your growth and improvement. 

So how do you bring more moments of benefit?