Find Your Way, Part 16… Emotions

Emotions 

As we expand the use of our senses and really tune in to what is going on within us, we can better notice and feel the impact of our emotions, that in time can lead us to somewhere else. 

Tuning into our true emotional responses is a gift that enables us to see and feel both the joyful and painful events. It is inevitable that if we enjoy the feelings that come from things we love, we will also feel the pain that comes when we are in fear or anxiety.  That is because we are human sensory beings.

However by using our knowledge about the ego and mind, your senses can help detect what is really happening within you. Instead of running away, pretending, covering up or distracting yourself (because we perceive pain as ‘bad’ and chase pleasure instead), you can learn how to be with all your emotions in a healthy and healing way.
 
For so many reasons (perhaps we feel shame, unworthiness, failure) we hide emotions and parts of us that we don’t want to show. It is however important to know that those emotions are not unique, rather common to us all. 

What matters more is that you are honest with yourself and register the emotion as well as understand what may have triggered it.

Use more of your senses to feel an emotion you face in the future.
Notice if the source was triggered by your natural heart responses, or by your ego and mind based fears, addictions, beliefs. 

As we introduce more heart based tools, you will grow your ability to more easily source if it is ego and mind based (‘red’) or a more balanced heart led (‘green’), which will be helpful as you choose to see, feel and do things differently.

Most importantly, you will discover for yourself about the benefits and gains that the outcomes bring.
 
Heart led emotions 

Heart led emotions come from a place of heart and guidance from the spirit, with no agenda or ego desires. 

These emotions are based on a deeper understanding and accepting of the up and down nature of life, and the ability to stay present, trust the process, and take responsibility.
 
Positive emotions that come from your heart are felt when you are engaging and doing what you love, your passions, what matters to you; what you are here to do (as your unique self) and experience. Dr Fredrickson identified the following as the ten most common positive emotions; joy, gratitude, compassion, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, love. They are natural byproducts and responses.

Negative emotions can also exist when the heart is leading. For example it is natural to feel the pain when there is a death of a loved one, or the loss of something or someone special to you or when you or others are facing harm.

Anger, sadness, disgust, fear, are often seen as the more primary negative emotions, although there are many others. These heart led negative emotions lie deeply and naturally within and are in response to the challenges and pain experienced in your life. 

These emotions are transient in nature (although there is no set time frame) as they respond to the environment they exist amongst. It is the way a baby communicates. When the nappy is wet, they keep crying until the nappy is changed. Same with hunger. And when there is joy, it is shown in their smile and body expression. It explains how when the environment is right, we can feel something else.

Mind / ego led emotions 

Mind led emotions tend to be a response to the mind’s conditioning, the rules and beliefs that have been imposed on us. 

These emotions tend to be more reactive in nature and based on any auto pilot perceptions (what you believe is good or not) that have been shaped by the circumstances you have faced. 

Mind led positive emotions may arrive when you see progress with markers that align with your mind based perception of success; such as your financial, status, relationship, ego desires. These mind led positive emotions (which tend to feel more heightened and intense such as euphoria, ecstasy, elation) arrive when you perceive you are moving closer to what will bring you happiness and peace.

In these moments, you are less likely to notice the true nature of what is happening around you (such as what is driving you and any harm that is done as a result of your actions along the way). These positive feelings tend to be short lived, however the desire to recreate the feelings remains. 

Mind led negative emotions may arrive as a reaction when your own personal state is not feeling cared for; perhaps when you are tired, hungry, or stressed. Or it may be in response to not achieving what you set out to achieve. Or in response to a truly painful experience.

The differentiating factor from heart led emotions, is the tendency for the emotion to become bigger and more distorted due to the narrative of the mind (automatic thoughts) that builds meaning behind the pain (blame, entitlement, judgement). Over time, these negative emotions may bury themselves deeper as we rarely give ourselves the time needed to process them. 

Think back to a time when you had growing negative emotions over a loss or grief. Take the time to bring out all the words, stories, beliefs, rules, fears, stress that are working behind the scenes of the emotion. Notice what that led to. 

What emotions are you responding to?

Over time, the source of the voice (from the heart / spirit or from the ego / mind) becomes clearer. 

If you recall the story about WA Austin Applebee. He drew from the voice of the heart and his heart desire to keep his family rather than mind talk and fear anxiety – this narrative with his emotions helped him to keep focus and draw out all of his physical ability and spirit of will, to keep going. 
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When you do engage the ego, you are likely to meet many different parts of yourself, each with different voices and stories to tell.  

Please remember that all of these parts, have played a role in protecting you and your survival in the past. With that however, every voice from your ego self, will sound valid and convincing. It will arrive with reason and rationale… It is what the mind’s intellect is capable of. 

It may come with a voice that tells you it loves you, cares for you, wants the best for you, wants to protect you, keep you safe, guide you, organise you, keep you well and healthy, plan or make things happen, to survive and thrive.

However you may begin to notice that it doesn’t provide the whole story. It may misread the discomfort of learning and developing something new, that convinces you to settle back into your old ways with expressions such as ‘better the devil you know’.  

I hope you can smile at its ability to do this… rather than judge, worry, or defend it, because it will be much kinder on you, to build a healthy communication with what you discover from these parts.

You could let ‘these parts’ know that you intend to question and challenge them, and that you are serious about living your life differently. 

Give yourself time for this conversation and communication with your mind and any part that arises. Notice what happens? 

Why is this important to do so now? Because so many people are being fooled by their own egos, which is seen in situations where they present as happy and OK on the outside without truly knowing what is happening within them. 

Do you notice when your ego may be telling you what is best, and yet it is seems to move you further from what you need and what could help?

It is the reason, we hear about suicides that just don’t seem to make sense. We hardly knew there is a problem, things look so happy on the outside projection, such as what we share on Facebook.

This pattern of running away from our emotions, hiding, suppressing, ignoring and moving on quickly, not feeling or expressing them or giving them their natural time to move through us, is happening more and more.

In our complex lives it is no wonder we look for quick and easy ways to avoid any behaviours that draw out our emotions, perhaps in fear of being judged by others. For example we give in to a child by handing them an iPhone or iPad, so as to lessen the screams or cries in public places.
 
However if we are to help our next generation develop, we too must develop our own heart skills, and model what we discover. It is an ongoing practice to keep at the forefront.

How do you feel when emotionally challenged? How do you respond? What could you do differently?

The positive facade 

In the past, society and cultures have often looked down on the use of negative emotions (as a factor behind violence, bullying, manipulation) and rewarded positive emotions. 

Let’s face it, there has been a push to ‘show up’ as your positive self, best self, even if it means faking it. Kindness and positive is ‘sold’ as the way ‘to be’, and the path to deep happiness. Facades are rife.

Hiding what is truly felt to uphold this ‘positive’ approach, is covering up what is happening deep down in ourselves or for others. 

It seems we are getting very good at this.

Could this be what is leading to more people compensating with medication, chasing false gold or over engaging or consuming? Is it leading to the diagnosis of more mental health conditions that are surfacing? 

What have you noticed in yourself or others around you?

We see that as you build your capacity to incorporate more heart based tools (introduced in the following sections), it becomes possible to experience your life from new perspectives where you more naturally bring out your emotions, and no longer become intoxicated by them. 

This is important for helping you to see that there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, rather it has become the way societies have evolved, which has gone against our humanness.
   
‘We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are’. 
Anais Nin

We are meant to feel and acknowledge our emotions, and use them to guide us in life. When we do we will better arrive in spaces and places that are more aligned with who we are.
 
This is part of the investment into improving ourselves as humans, so that we have the resources and ability to move through any of the challenges we are facing, rather than relying on something or someone outside of us, to ‘make it right’.